Saving Lily
by JustLilyJade
Summary: Severus intended to end his life but Albus Dumbledore intervened. Can Severus do what he needs to to rescue the person he loves most? Even if that means saving them from themselves? Or will they be once again lost to Severus forever? Rated M for suicidal thoughts. AU. Severus/Lily ***This story was previously posted on an old account...and has had a pretty big overhaul***
1. Chapter 1

Saving Lily…

Harry Potter

A/N: This chapter takes place about week after the murders at the Potters. And just a warning this story will be AU.

Chapter 1: Prologue

* * *

Severus Snape's POV.

I stand in my house on Spinner's End, feeling the tremendous anguish within my chest. My heart is being swallowed up by the molding abyss that is becoming my soul. My hands tremble; as I look around the empty comatose existence that has become my house and my life. My vision distorts and I feel the warm liquid slither down the soft tissues of my cheeks. My entire body slowly becomes over taken by the sobs of my all-consuming reality that will forever haunt me for the rest of my life. My _best friend_ is gone… my _love_ is _dead_…and I am the one who _killed_ her.

Do I have the right to feel the way I do? Do I have the right to miss her this much? I had once been her best friend; until I betrayed her during our fifth year, and we haven't spoken since. I am also by all rights her murderer...I told him of her whereabouts.

The tears run down my long-hooked nose; and I know I have no right to cry but...I can't stop myself. The salty drops drip onto the floor as it rushes to meet me. My knees hit hard as my body shivers. I bring a quivering hand to my face and I cry hopelessly into my palm. I do not deserve to live...I should be _dead_. So why? Why am I the one left alive? He said she had called out for me...she was screaming my name. Had she known that I was the one who betrayed her for a second time?

I notice myself curling in to a submissive position on the floor. I have no right to live...I have taken her life...so is it not only fair that in penitence for what I have done; that I should take my own life in omissions for hers? I lift my head from the palm of my hand and the tears continue to tumble downward. I look toward the kitchen. I know exactly how to end my life...I will use the Killing Curse. The same curse that _he_ used, to end the life of the only person who ever truly cared for me. I slowly attempt to climb to my feet. My legs give out from my quaking and I find myself on the floor again. I suck in a few ragged breaths in a pathetic attempt to calm my nerves so that I can stand. Once I succeed in standing, I brace myself against the wall for support; as I allow the wall to guide me to the kitchen. There it is. I can see it now...my wand. There on the table.

I finally reach the doorway to the kitchen and rest a moment on the pane. I feel as though I can collapse at any moment. I slowly reach for my wand and brace myself on the table. My trembling fingers wrap themselves around my wand like they have done a thousand times before. This will be the last time. With the last bit of strength, that I can muster, I push myself off the table. I force myself back up onto the door pane as the tears continue to dampen my flesh. My body is once again feeling the plague of terrible cries of agony.

"Lily," my voice is shivering and quiet, "Lily, please... forgive me...forgive me, Lily. I love you."

With that I turn my wand on myself...

However, before I can utter a syllable of the curse that could have ended; my painful and now pointless life, there is a knock at my door. I honestly have no intention of answering. I slowly part my lips to speak the words that will end my agonizing life, but the knock comes again. A voice calls out to me, "Severus."

I sigh deeply. There is no way I can end my pain... not with him here. The voice belongs to none other than the Head Master of Hogwarts himself. Albus Dumbledore. I sit on the floor hoping that if I remain, silent and unmoving, he will depart. Deep down I know the chances of him leaving, before speaking to me is all but nonexistent.

"Severus," Albus calls again from behind the wooden door. "Severus, please, I need to speak with you. It's a matter of all urgency."

I hear him sigh loudly. He will begone within a few more moments, I have almost convinced myself of this, so I remain very still... "It's about Lily, Severus."

With those four words my entire body goes almost entirely numb. My tears flow with a new devastation...something within me snaps. What about Lily? Lily _is_ dead...it is my fault! _What more can be said about Lily!? _I release a loud cry of pain and begin to scream the curse, "_Avada_..."

"_Severus_," Albus Dumbledore suddenly apparates before me, "_Stop_!"

My hands shake so violently that I drop my wand. It lands with an uncommonly loud clank onto the floor. I can do nothing, but look at it, as if it has betrayed me.

"Severus," Albus speaks gently too me as if he knew all of my pain, "You can't. That won't help."

"It will," I protest as I bring my hand to my chest and clutch at the cloth of my gray shirt, "It has too."

Dumbledore looks down at me with an expression of complete sympathy.

"_Don't look at me like that!" _I scream.

I can't bare it...I don't deserve sympathy from anyone. Especially, Albus Dumbledore.

"Why not, Severus?" he articulates slowly, "Are you not in pain?"

"I don't deserve it! I... I killed her...I...I..."

It is as if I can hear the echo of the last piece of my heart smashing onto the floor. My mind instantly becomes over taken by rage and madness. "_You,_" I roar, "_You _were supposed to protect _her! I trusted you to keep them safe!" _

I jump to my feet with new found energy and propel him against the wall. My fury swells inside me from nowhere. I suddenly _hate_ this man before me with every fiber of my being. Both sets of my fingers curl themselves around the fabric of Dumbledore's robes. "I trusted _you_!"

He never flinches. He only looks at me with pity on his face. "Severus", he says with all gentility in his voice, " I know you're hurting..."

"You know!?" I spit in rage, "How could you? You have no idea what this feels like!"

He only looks at me with such an expression of sorrow that I can only glare in response. I have every intention of striking him. I, however, cannot. My rage disintegrates with this man's gaze. It washes away all the rage as fast as it came. I collapse at his feet and the tears once again spill over my lashes.

"Why?" I whisper meekly, "Why? I don't have a reason to live now. Please just go and let me do what I desire."

He kneels beside me and places his hands on my shoulders, "Come with me."

I only look up at him; the tears from my soul, dripping onto my gray shirt. "Please, just go." my voice is pleading, "Leave me to my own vices...I beg you."

"Come with me, Severus," he says again as he is pulling me to my feet.

I look at him a moment before I drop my gaze to the floor. How can I make eye contact with such a man? I speak in a nearly inaudible whisper, " I have nothing left to give. I..."

"If you come with me," he says softly. I feel myself falling, but this time my knees, did not collide with the floor. Instead, I find my arm around Dumbledore's neck, and his around my waist. He is the reason...the only reason... I am still standing.

He gazes at me as I stare blurry-eyed at the floor, "I can give you a reason to live."

With that I let him lead me out of my kitchen. At that moment...my heart vanishes into the abyss of my forever blackened soul and I have finally become entirely numb.

The sight of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry stirs up feelings of resentment. It triggers the flashbacks of how my life was before graduating. Granted my life never improved as anyone could see.

"Why have you brought me here?" I question through the numbness. I am no longer in control of my body. I can see myself being guided by the headmaster around the school of witchcraft and wizardry. A place in which I had no desire to ever set foot in again. Albus continues to keep a loose but firm grip on my upper arm as he leads me down to the dungeons where the Slytherin corridors reside.

"We need a new potions master," Albus states nonchalantly, as if this will somehow make everything okay.

I look at Dumbledore as if he has lost his mind. I murdered people, why in the hell would he want me to teach these children anything. "But, Sir, I…"

"No, buts, Severus." He chides, gently, "If this doesn't help you, then after a year you can then go back to Spinner's End and I will not bother you anymore. This is going to be your new office and you will be head of Slytherin house."

I didn't try to argue with him, by this point I know that it is a futile argument that I am not going to win. Not many people no matter how great they are argued with Albus Dumbledore and won. I look around my new office and as I expected he has already collected everything, I needed from my house. My things are neatly placed around my office.

"Thanks, I guess," the bitterness in my voice is not lost on the headmaster, but he smiles at me.

"You're welcome, Severus." The cheerfulness in his voice is nauseating. Does he think he is being helpful? At this point I don't have the energy to say much else to him.

I force a final question from my lips, "Sir, what does any of this have to do with Lily?"

He looks at me for a moment as if he has forgotten that he had ever mentioned her. "I shall tell you when you are in a much fitter state to hear it, Severus. Until then get re-accustomed with the castle and the people who reside here."

With that he left me standing alone in my new office, surrounded by my things.

* * *

I found the old version of this story on my computer that had be previously posted on an old account that has been deleted (The account was called ChibiEtsu). I have been trying to get re accustomed with my writing. I began to read Harry Potter again in hopes to re-spark my enthusiasm with reading and writing…hopefully this turned out alright. Please R&R.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the Harry Potter series, just the ones I make up.

Saving Lily

Harry Potter

Chapter 1

* * *

Albus Dumbledore's POV

I step out into the Slytherin corridor from Severus Snape's new office. He is now the new head of Slytherin House and Hogwarts' new Potions master. The first thing I see is the concerned face of Hogwarts' transfigurations professor and Head of Gryffindor house, Minerva McGonigal.

"Hello, Minerva," I say with a smile as I start walking down the hall to the dungeon's only exit.

"Albus," she says slowly, the wrinkle forming just between her eyebrows. "How is he?"

"Not well, I'm afraid."

The crease between her brows deepen as she looks back at the distancing door behind us, "Are you sure about this?"

I nod, "Yes, the students don't have to like him, Minerva, but they will learn a lot from him."

"I don't mean about that." She says, turning her head quickly toward me. "I mean about…"

"Ah, yes, that." I say, "I have faith in Severus."

McGonigal nods slowly and we walk in silence until we part ways in front of the still Great Hall. I enter the medical wing, to find Madam Poppy Pomfrey busily pouring water into a glass basin. Gathering it into her arms she turns and makes her way to the only occupied bed in the entire wing.

"Back again, Headmaster?" she asks placing the bowl onto the little table next to the bed. With a flick of her wand, the cloth she had forgotten levitates upward and slowly moves to her waiting palm.

"Any news on our patient?" I ask gazing at the unmoving form, as Madam Pomfrey twists some water out of the cloth into the bowl. My eyes remain focused on the young woman whose breath comes in an uneven rhythm. Her hair lay scattered along the pillow beneath her head and her skin eerily pale. Yet, the visible gashes in her flesh still show signs of a red rage. There is one wound that is refusing to heal properly. The healing process is a slow one. Poppy informed me days ago that young woman's body may be permanently marred by both visible and unseen scars.

She shakes her head sadly, "No sir, a bit more stable but the same as yesterday. I wonder, how much damage may have been done. I have no way to measure it. I have no idea what to expect once this child regains consciousness and what will become of her."

"Don't worry, Poppy. I am making arrangements for her welfare," I say gently, "I am also sure you are doing your very best. I trust that you are doing what is right, have no doubt about that."

She smiles weakly at me and begins to draw the curtain around the bed closed, blocking my view of the unconscious young woman in the bed, "I just hope, Sir, that my best and what I think is right is in-fact good enough."

I turn then and walk out the door and tend to some of my more neglected duties. The ones that I need to complete before the school's next term. Like finding yet another Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

* * *

Severus Snape's POV

I glance around my office; it looks just as drab as my current existence. That's when I notice the single unmoving photo in a small frame on my desk. The picture has fraying edges and the colors are beginning to fade to a dull shade. You can see the creases, where it has been folded and refolded many times throughout the years. Time has not been kind to this memory. I pick up the frame and gaze at it, with a vacant expression. The abyss that has swallowed my heart extends deeper.

The smile that radiates from the young Lily's face eats away at my insides. Her smile bright, and her arm swung about my neck almost brings me some semblance of joy. The smile on my face in this picture, I honestly believe is the final time I ever truly had a smile on my face.

This is the last photo that Lily's mother took of us at the beginning of our 5th year at Hogwarts. In fact, her mother insisted on taking two every year. So, that once the film was developed, she could send one of them by Owl to Lily. Who then gave it to me upon receiving it. Her mom was a relatively prompt woman, but she never did manage to get anything sent to Lily on time. Lily had told me once that her mother was convinced that the owl hated her.

The thought almost brought a smile to my face, but it is quickly gobbled up by the memory of finding my best friend and her husband's bodies. I jerk a drawer open in my desk and I fling the picture into it. I brace myself against the desk and grip my wand tightly in my robe pocket.

_Just get through the year, Severus. _I tell myself as my fingers forcibly release my wand before they carefully pull it from its confines.

With a few flicks of my wrist, the objects within my office begin to move, from place to place, until I find new homes for them. I give up after I move many of the objects several times. In my frustration, I jerk my office door open and step out into the corridor. I shuffle my feet as the memories engulf me of the last time, I roamed these halls in my youth.

Nothing around here really seems to have changed. The pictures, of course, greet and welcome me back to the school. I ignore them as I walk past, as the last words Lily and I ever really shared together in this school rings in my head. The phantom sound of my embarrassed, angry voice calling her a _mudblood_. The hurt and the anger that resonated in hers as she called me _Snivellus_ hangs in the air. I can't stop the flinch that always comes when that word crosses my mind, because it's the one word that I truly deserve. I honestly merited much worse treatment and words than what she gave me. I had betrayed her trust, in one of the most unforgivable ways. I had been too afraid of losing the few 'friends' that I managed to find in my house. In fact, they were the only friends I found, besides Lily, in my entire school experience. That I allowed my embarrassment to overtake me in my weakest moment and I lost the trust of my only true friend, by calling her the foulest word in all of the wizarding world. A word that now plagues me every time I hear it and I word I have never uttered again.

I can't believe that I had allowed my need to fit in and to feel like I belonged to overshadow my relationship with Lily. I was and still am a ridiculous fool.

I continue to wander around the grounds just as Albus suggested but all it did was drudge up unwanted memories. The ones of my past mistakes and the abuse I received at the hands of the other students. The worsted of the bullying came from Gryffindor house. I was never sure what I did to them, to spark such a treatment but, I never really liked them from the moment I laid eyes upon them.

The grounds welcome me with dreary sunshine and a cool breeze. I walk along all the memorized paths that I had wandered frequently in my Hogwarts student days. I let them guide me with their twists and turns, and finally, I find myself standing in front of a large tree. I have not been to this place since I ruined everything. This had been Lily's favorite spot on the school grounds. After my attempts at an apology, that didn't mend anything. She didn't seem to want to hear what I had to say. I can't really say I blamed her though. I stayed far away from here. I didn't want to ruin this spot for her too. Memories of our time at the school as students flood my mind, as I desperately try to stifle them in the abyss of my mind. The pain swells so deeply in my chest that I think that I am going to drown in the emptiness. I don't even try to keep my head above it all. My fingers subconsciously touch the markings that have been entwined within the tree bark.

L.E.

My fingers trace the smoothness of what should have been a rough surface. My fingers stop as I realize what I am seeing and what us there forces all my memories into the darkest depths of my mind. The initials of my name stare back at me with a large slash through them as if they were being replaced by the initials of another.

S.S. J.P.

All I can do is stare at it, what more can I do? Nothing can be repaired now.

* * *

I hope you liked this chapter, and that it turned out okay. It feels off to me for some reason, but I thought I might as well post it hoping it was just me. Until next time! Please Review and have a great day! I will update again soon.


	3. Chapter 3

A disclaimer: I do not own any characters from the Harry Potter Series, just the ones I make up.

Saving Lily

Harry Potter

Chapter 2

* * *

**Severus POV***

I sigh as I run my palms down my face as I walk toward the large tree that I had recently rediscovered since my return to Hogwarts. How had Dumbledore thought that I could instruct these students? Keep them engaged, they said… if you teach it properly, they will enjoy it, they said! Lies! All of it lies! These first years were incorrigible! It really got under my skin when they started passing notes about me back and forth as if I couldn't see them… so I spent a lot of my time, deducting points from houses… yes, I even took a few points from my own house which was particularly painful… and one of the Hufflepuffs' cried. No matter what I did it just wasn't right. It will not be long before Dumbledore figures out that I am not cut out to teach potions. They detest it, and I cannot tolerate the lack of effort.

The Dark Arts would have been a much better fit for me because it is one of the few things, I am particularly good at. I started young. How could I not? With my father being who he was… and the way everyone around me treated me… my moral compass had become permanently altered. I had to learn how to defend myself somehow… but that mechanism I developed over the years for self-defense is what drove my only one true friend away and I was too stupid—blinded by my own need— to fit in and be accepted by my Slytherin peers. I was so embarrassed and angry. That is something I am going to spend the rest of my life repenting for.

Lily by all accounts should have walked away from me long before that. Hell, everyone else in my life practically had. Except for the few "friends" I made in Slytherin house whom I had to work harder to keep because I wasn't pureblood. They had used me, and I was too young and naive to notice. Lily had tried to warn me, but I was too stubborn and desperate for others to acknowledge me that I couldn't believe what she was telling me to be true. She was… as always.

_Look, what you've done you, greasy, Git! She will never forgive you for this! She doesn't even want to talk to you and yet here you are, every day waiting to see her. To what? Make excuses? Apologize? As if you deserve to be forgiven? The sight of you disgusts her! So just go._

I stumble back as I remember the amount of force he used when he shoved me to the ground.

_Get lost! __Snivellus__! _

I will always regret listening to him and walking away. I should have tried harder… but what I had done truly had been unforgivable. With a wave of my wand, my initials vanished from the tree bark. I clenched my fist and hit it directly on top of the initials of the one person who took the most pleasure in tormenting me throughout my time at Hogwarts—James Potter. He was the most relentless of my persecutors.

I stared at the symbol that marred my arm. What would she have said if she had seen it? If it weren't for this damned mark would she have still been living happily with that damned fool, James Potter? As much as the thought of her loving that fool crawled beneath my skin the reality was a far deeper wound. The sound of the students drew me from my thoughts, reminding me that I had left a book in the infirmary. I had to take one of the first years there to get looked over after one of the potions we were brewing in class exploded. That was obviously, because, they had not followed my implicit instructions. The child, of course, was fine. They would be blue for a while, but they weren't injured in any way. The thought of going back to collect my forgotten book still irritated me none the less.

***Dumbledore POV***

I lean over and gaze at the still angry wounds that refused to mend, no matter what Madam Pomfrey did to try to encourage healing.

"Still no change in your patient, Madam Pomfrey?"

She shakes her head slowly. "No, at least not enough to make a significant difference. I am getting the smaller wounds to heal nicely, but these larger ones are refusing to repair themselves. I am doing as much research as I possibly can to help me figure out what else I can do for her, Other than keeping the wounds free of infection."

"You will think of something; I am certain of it," I say as I push myself up off the mattress where I sat.

She nods, "I will, but I fear it will take me too long, and the poor girl will lose her life waiting on me."

"I see. They are far worse than we originally feared. I will reach out and see if I can find someone that can help you."

"Thank you, Sir."

"I had hoped someone here would be able to help you, but I fear his state has yet to improve enough to do so."

"Who, sir?"

"I will inform you, the moment, I have found someone who can successfully aide you." I smile. Perhaps Alister Moody could be of some assistance, maybe he has seen something like this.

"Yes, Sir."

***Severus POV***

I walk down the hall trying to avoid the gazes of the other professors. Their resentment of me is apparent on their faces. In truth, no one could resent me more than I resented myself.

As I walk past the great hall, I can hear the chattering chaos of the students as they ate their dinner. Crystal clear memories flood my mind.

"_Can we just talk?" _

_She never turned around to look at me, she continued to eat and converse happily with her Gryffindor friends who glared daggers into me. _

"_Lily, please?" _

_Before I knew what happened pieces of a soft pudding made contact with my face. __All I could do is stand there in shock. _

"_I thought I told you, __Snivellus! Evans wants nothing more to do with you! Stop stalking her and get lost!" _

_More pieces of food were propelled at my body. Not once did Lily turn around nor did she say a word, she sat there silently with her back to me. I did the only thing I knew to do besides retaliate with my wand. I fled, as I had many times in my life from my father and from the persecutors at my school. I did however turn to look back at her… and when I did her tears were not lost on me. _

As I enter the infirmary, I see Madam Pomfrey pull open a curtain and step into view.

"Hello, Professor Snape." She draws the curtain tightly closed behind her.

"Yes, hello." The flare of red that lay spread along the white fabric of the pillow caught my attention briefly.

"Here for your book?" She asks as she wrings out the bloodstained cloth into the pink liquid-filled basin that it came from.

"Yes."

"I placed it over there." She points to one of the nightstands next to an empty bed. "If you won't be needing anything else professor, I am going to return to my work."

I walk to the nightstand, take my book, and start toward the door. I stop only for a second to glance back at the only bed with its curtains drawn…


	4. Chapter 4

A disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the Harry Potter Series, just the ones I make up.

Harry Potter

Saving Lily

Chapter 3

* * *

***Severus POV***

As I walk back to the corridor from my final class of the day, my shoulders are tense. The persistent lack of effort from my students is infuriating. Perhaps if I give them a little more time, they will warm up to the class, but I know better. Who could warm up to something I taught? Lily had. She and I studied together in the library often. I only began to study in Slytherin house after what happened. If she didn't want to see me, I didn't want to force her to see me more than necessary. When I get to my office, I begin making a list of all the ingredients I have in my private collection. I had not replenished my ingredients before Dumbledore came to see me at Spinners End. Of course, I had no intention of still being alive at the time of my departure, so I did not need to collect new ingredients. A part of me is still bitter about Dumbledore's interference.

I spend hours going through what I have and what I need. Dumbledore asked me to make a potion for him that could help with particularly stubborn open wounds. When I asked him why, he, of course, didn't give me a direct answer. There are several things that no longer exist in my arsenal of potion ingredients. Things I will need to complete the task, that I was given. I will go shopping tomorrow for the items I require.

When I finish making a complete list of everything that is missing, I open the door to my office. I nearly stumble over a wooden box that has been placed directly in front of my doorway. I eye the box suspiciously. I gently pick it up fully prepared for it to explode, or for something to leap out of it and attack me. This wouldn't be the first time something like that has happened in my life. I place the box on my desk. I pull my wand from my pocket and hold it tightly in my right hand. Gingerly, I raise the lid off the top with my left. As I flip the lid off the wooden box, surprise floods through me. Ingredients? I grab my completed list and begin checking things off as I pull the items out of the box. It's all here, everything, on my list, is present and accounted for. I stare at it briefly, before, I get to work on creating the requested elixir.

* * *

*** Dumbledore POV***

"I don't know what else I can do for her, Sir. My healing charms and potions only temporarily solve the problem. Even the spells and potions I received from my acquaintances, from the other schools, they too, produce the same results. They temporarily improve before the wounds once again begin to fester. The speed of which this occurs is quite alarming."

I nod. "I agree, Poppy. That's why I have instructed a trusted source to collect everything we need."

"Which is?" Her brows come together as she asks.

"Hello, Alistor."

"Headmaster."

"Ah," Poppy says as I turn to face one of my good friends.

I move closer as he walks over to the only occupied bed. He pulls the curtain back and peers at his friend.

"Did you manage to get everything I requested?"

Alistor nods and drops the curtain. His tone bitter, "Aye, I did. I left everything in a box in front of his door. Hopefully, he knows what to do with them."

"I am sure he does," I reassure him. "If anyone knows what to do with them, he does."

"He better not fail her a second time!"

"I don't believe he will. Come Alistor, let's have some tea and dinner before you go."

With reluctance, he agrees before following me out of the infirmary and up to my office.

* * *

***Severus POV***

I stir the potion, slowly, as the fragrance tickles my nose. After hours of work, the elixir is almost ready. A few more minutes should do it. I reach over and grab one of the ingredients, that I, crushed into a powder. I sprinkle it into the soft green liquid. When the elixir, is to my liking, I spoon some out of my cauldron, and into a vial. Once the lid is secure, I place it into the pocket of my robe and exit my office. I make my way down the corridor, and I enter the Great Hall, where the teachers were already sitting. Dumbledore gives his speech as he does at every dinner and to my surprise, Alistor Moody is also present at the dinner table. I look at him suspiciously as I turn my attention to the food that appears before me. As I eat, I try to ignore the conversation going on around me, but one conversation seizes my attention.

"Have you heard about how she is doing?" Sybill Trelawney inquires, softly, to the Charms Professor, Filius Flitwick.

"There hasn't been any news yet," Flitwick states, picking at his food.

"It's not your fault," McGonagall reassures her colleague as she reaches over and pats Trelawney's trembling hand.

"Aye, it's not your fault. That fault belongs to someone else." Alistor ensures that his declaration is loud enough for me to hear him clearly. I can feel the ire in his eyes burning against my flesh.

I try to dismiss the conversation to background noise, but I can't. Mad-Eye's glare seeps into my skin until it begins to crawl. I never let my emotions show themselves outwardly. Every fiber of my existence hums with guilt. I am at fault. My soul shrivels, at its edges, with every word of remorse that Trelawney utters.

The divination's professor shakes her head, slowly, sadly. "But it is. I made that prophecy, and because of that, she..."

My heart tightens in my chest. I don't want to hear this! I want to clap my hands over my ears; demand that they shut the hell up, at the top of my lungs, but I don't. I try to focus on eating to keep myself distracted.

What happened is all my fault. I murdered them. Me! Place all the blame on me. Let it eat away at me. I deserve it. I am their murderer. I murdered her husband. Her child. I murdered my only friend. It was me! I did it! Blame me!

Slowly, I'm beginning to drown in the lack of oxygen in the room. My lungs refuse to take any air in, and my chest burns in desperation. My heart feels as though it is thrumming in such an inexplicable pattern beneath my ribs. I thought it was going to erupt from my chest, leaving pieces of my body and soul, strewn across the Great Hall.

"He-who-should- not- be- named," Flitwick interrupts comfortingly. "Is the one who killed the Potters. Not you. Sybill, James, and Lily's deaths are not your fault."

"She's not dead," McGonagall whispers to Flitwick, "But, she is severely wounded."

"What!?" Flitwick's surprise nearly makes him drop his fork. "Lily Potter is alive!?"

Trelawney slowly nods, looking sadly up at him, "Just barely, she is in the infirmary as we speak."

"She's here?" Flitwick proclaims in shock.

Before my brain can register the information, I am on my feet, and out of the Great Hall. My trembling fingers cling desperately to the small vial in my pocket. My robe billows behind me as my feet echo through the halls. It wasn't true! It had to be a mistake. This must be a gruesome prank! My strides lengthen, with every thunderous step, as my legs propel me at full speed toward the infirmary. My heart thrums as my blood pulsates in my ears. My trembling fingers grip tighter to the small glass vial as the edges of my vision blur. My chest burns and my brain goes foggy, but I push forward without slowing down.

By the time I reach the door of the infirmary my lungs are aflame. My footsteps feel like lead as I cross the floor to the only occupied bed in the room. It feels as though it has taken me a century to walk those few feet. I open and close my clammy fists as I stare at the white curtain before me.

Even if, it was…. Oh, God. Have I left her here in the infirmary by herself this whole time? Do I even deserve to be in her presence? I can't abandon her here. I can't leave her all alone. Not now. My hand trembles as I reach up and touch the cool curtain with long trembling fingers. I hold my breath as my fingers coil around the curtain. I take a startled step back when Madam Pomfrey pulls the curtain from the other side as she steps out from the enclosed space.

Lily. I stand frozen. My lungs refuse to take any air and my heart falters.

Pomfrey murmurs something to me about having to go get supplies as I stagger past her. She, of course, comments on how rude as I start pulling the curtain closed behind me separating myself from the world, I slowly reach out to touch her but stop. My trembling hand hovers over the gashes that are visible on her arms and face.

They looked red, inflamed, and oh so angry. They were on the verge of infection. Pomfrey has been the only thing keeping the infection at bay, but it is still spreading. That's why it went from one difficult to heal wounds, to the others starting to seep and reopen. This was a very powerful curse… that was a lot stronger than the elixir that I held in my pocket. But it would help, especially with the pain. I will get the correct elixir made.

I sit on the edge of the bed and lift the top half of her body into my arms. I must set her up a little higher to give her the elixir, it's thick. She would choke otherwise. A moan of pain escaped her lips. Moving her hurt, but what choice did I have. I brush her bright red hair out of her face gently as I try to comfort her.

"I know. Hold on, Lily." My voice is soft, reassuring, and soothing. "Don't be afraid. You're safe. I'm here, I'm right here."

"I need you to wake up a little more for me alright. I am going to give you something that will help with the pain. I need you to swallow as much of this as you can. It's going to be bitter, but I promise it will help."

Slowly, very slowly, I pour the contents of the vial into her mouth. I am concerned that the liquid is only running out of her mouth. After a few seconds, I notice she is beginning to swallow.

"That's it," I murmured, softly, in relief. Once the vial is drained, I gently placed her back onto her bed.

I stroke her red hair with my long fingers, "I am going to take care of this, alright. Trust me, just hang on a little longer. Please. I'll take care of you, I promise."

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A/N: Here's another chapter guys! I hope you like it! Please review and have a great day!


	5. Chapter 5

A disclaimer: I don't own any characters, from the Harry Potter Series, just the ones I make up.

Harry Potter

Saving Lily

Chapter 4

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***Severus POV***

I stir the new potion slowly. I take hold of the vial of phoenix tears; that I have collected from Fawkes with Dumbledore's permission. Pulling the cork off the top of the vial, I pour the tears into the thick purple liquid. Once it simmers a little longer, the potion that will cure Lily will be ready. I spoon the purple liquid into a new vial and place the cork back onto the top. My black robes billow behind me as my footsteps echo through the corridor. Every step leads me toward the infirmary where Lily lay in wait for the potion that will help her.

As I enter the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey is attending to another student. I nod at her as I walk to the privacy curtain that has Lily hidden away behind it. I pull the curtain open and close it behind me. I gaze into the face of the only person who had ever truly been my friend. I sit next to her on the edge of the bed. I lift her into my arms to elevate her a little higher. I want to keep her from choking on another potion. Her eyes flutter briefly, but they don't open. I pull the cork out of the bottle, holding it to her lips.

"This is going to help you. Can you drink it for me?"

I gently touch the rim of the vial to her lips. Her pale lips part just enough for me to get the elixir into her mouth. She coughs a little, so I raise her higher. It takes a little coaxing, but I finally get her to drain the contents. Once she finishes the vial, I set it on the neighboring nightstand. I gently return her to her original position. Her small whimpers of pain are not lost on me. I conjure a chair with my wand and sit down next to her. I gently brush the strands of red hair from her face.

I will stay with her a little longer before my class begins. I have a few hours before I need to start getting things ready for the students. I prop my head onto my fist as I lean into the chair arm.

My brain consumes itself with the struggles that she will face; when she finally awakens from the sleeping draft that Madam Pomfrey has given her. It helps her rest and makes it easier to deal with the wounds that mar her body. My elixir will easily be able to deal with the physical wounds that have caused so much strife. It could not, however, deal with the mental aspect of what she has experienced, nor what she will experience when she learns of her devastating new reality. That is the one thing I cannot heal, no matter how many potions or spells I may know. The great loss she will endure when she awakens is something she will have to face alone.

I, however, will be there to help her if she allows me to be. Which I highly doubt. I do not expect her to ever want to see or speak to me again. I can't say that I blame her, though. This fact, however, does not and will not change my resolve. I am going to help her in any possible way that I can, until the time comes, that she does not need, nor want my assistance.

When she shifts stiffly, I sit up a little straighter.

"Lily?" My airways grow tighter. "Can you hear me?"

Her head starts shifting ever so slightly toward my voice. I take her hand into mine as I stand and lean in a little closer. I want her to know that she isn't alone. If I can help it, I don't want her to wake up in the infirmary by herself. I thought it better for her to know that someone is with her.

"Lily?" I try to keep my voice soft and reassuring as I say her name.

Her eyes slowly flutter ever so slightly open. Relief washes over me as she smiles softly in my direction. My relief dissolves with one simple word. The realization that I may have to be the one to send her world crumbling down around her; collides into me with relentless force.

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***Lily's POV***

Everything hurt, even places I didn't even know could hurt, hurt. My body doesn't want to do what I want it to. My muscles throb in resistance, to even the smallest attempt at motion. My brain feels fuzzy. The thoughts in my head are distorted and fractured. The throbbing pain radiates from inside my head. I feel something warm against my hand.

"Lily?" The voice sounds strained, "Lily, can you hear me?"

I carefully turn my head toward the voice and wince. Motion in any form should not be this painful. For a moment, my eyes flutter open. I can feel the edges of my consciousness shrinking in on me. My vision is blurry as the lights surrounding me are blinding.

"Lily?"

I shift my blurry vision away from the lights, to the voice softly calling my name. To no avail, the person never comes into focus. Something about the blob of a person feels familiar. With all the strength I can muster, I squeeze the warmth against my hand gently. There is only one person who would show this much concern for me. I smile at him weakly. I can feel all the edges of my world slipping. I must reassure him before my consciousness is once again devoured by the dark abyss.

Just as the darkness at the edges of my vision consumes me, I breathe, "_James."_

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A/N: I really hope you enjoy reading this chapter, everyone. I hope I can get the next installment up really soon. Until next time. Please review and have a great day!


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